


This is Where I Belong

by BashfulBumblebee



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Castiel can sense longing, Castiel in the Bunker, Dean in Denial, Emotional Constipation, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Internal Conflict, Internalized Homophobia, Love Confessions, Loving Castiel, M/M, Making Love, Men of Letters Bunker, Resolved Sexual Tension, Self-Esteem Issues, Smut, emotional tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-29
Updated: 2015-01-29
Packaged: 2018-03-09 13:44:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3251999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BashfulBumblebee/pseuds/BashfulBumblebee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean and Castiel get back to the bunker from a hunt, Castiel won't stop his god damned staring. (Sorry I suck at summaries, read the tags)</p>
            </blockquote>





	This is Where I Belong

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know what happened to Sammy. Let's just say he didn't go on the hunt with them and is sleeping in another room, kay? This is the first work I've done that I deemed worthy to post on the almighty AO3, so feedback is encouraged, I swear I won't be mad if you criticize me haha, as long as it's constructive, I'll love you forever. Also, tell me if you actually like my writing and want me to post more. Anyway, okay. That's enough authors notes, I'm done, I swear. OH! and this isn't beta'd all mistakes are my own. sorry about that. enjoy! XD  
> 

Dean stomped through the bunker door, toeing off his shoes in the middle of the doorway before flopping down on the couch; arm flung over his face as if he’d fainted. Castiel followed suit, moving both the pairs of shoes: Dean’s work boots, and his own dress shoes off to the side, before joining Dean in the sitting room, situating himself on the chair across from him, sitting ram-rod straight, and fixing Dean with a heated stare, not unlike the one’s he’d been giving him all day. Dean hesitantly pulled his arm away, turning to glare at Castiel, who just kept on with his staring. Dean had had enough.

“You gotta stop that man, s’distracting.” Dean slurred lazily, pulling himself up into a sitting position with a small grunt of exhaustion.

“Dean, there’s a very simple solution. If you’d prefer not to watch me study you, you’re free to ignore me.” Cas said indifferently, still staring intensely, if not even more so than before. It was more than slightly unnerving.

“Didn’t your parents ever teach you it’s rude to stare?” Dean teased, unamused.

“I’ve told you on numerous occasions, only four angels have ever met our father and I-“

“It was a joke, Cas.” Dean interrupted, sending a hopeless glance up at the ceiling as if it held the key to the universe in its pale, tiled pattern.

“Oh. My apologies.” Cas amended, sounding forlorn, as if somebody’d just killed a bumblebee for no reason other than to prove their dominance.

“S’alright.” Dean mumbled, feeling the slightest bit guilty for not having taken into consideration the angels absent social skills. “But seriously Cas, stop it with the staring, it’s really hard to concentrate on anything.”

“Your longing makes it very difficult to concentrate on anything as well, Dean. Did you really think I couldn’t sense your feelings for me? I’m a celestial body, I have numerous senses you cannot even begin to comprehend, and yet I’ve remained silent on the matter because I know _you_ haven’t come to grips with what you’re feeling, and now you’re denying me the simple pleasure of staring at you as well?” Cas said, mumbling at first before working himself into a fury, moving his hands animatedly as he spoke.

Dean felt his face heat up and butterflies fluttering in his stomach that he very much didn’t want to think about. Dean was silent for a long time, unsure of how to proceed. Castiel spoke, having taken some time to calm himself down.

“I’m sorry, Dean. That was uncalled for. I’ll be in my room, don’t hesitate to come get me if you need me for anything.” Cas said dejectedly, turning and slinking off to his room down the hall like a little kid who just got penalized for stealing a candy bar.

Dean was shocked silent. He stared after Cas for a few moments before his body caught up with his mind. “Cas, wait.” Dean said, loudly, so the angel would hear, but tenderly as if not to scare him off. Castiel was so easily scared off when it came to awkward situations, Dean was surprised he didn’t fly off altogether.

Castiel stopped in his tracks, turning his head so Dean got a stunning view of his profile as Castiel studied him indifferently with his peripheral vision. Dean hurriedly caught up to Cas, putting a hand up to rest it on his shoulder, but thinking better of it and letting it fall limply to rest against his thigh.

Castiel turned fully, scrutinizing Dean as he caught his hand, pulling it up to rest upon his shoulder, and covering it with his own.

“What are you so afraid of?” Cas asked, his eyebrows knitting together while his head tilted in a confused gesture, seemingly of its own volition. Dean tried very hard to repress the butterflies whose wings were gently caressing the inner walls of his stomach.

Dean almost forgot why he was holding back. For one profound second, everything was so simple. It was just him and Castiel, and there was nothing wrong with that, and he wanted so badly to kiss him, to just seal their lips together and welcome the angel’s heavenly heat. It would be so _easy._ But…

“Dean, why must you hold back?” Castiel asked, leaning forward, his unoccupied hand, gently caressing Deans cheek, eyelids fluttering shut as he rested his lips oh so softly upon Deans forehead, as if he were made of the most precious glass. “What have you got to lose?” Dean’s eyes fell shut, and he let out a pained whimper, wanting more strongly than he’d ever wanted in his life to reciprocate. He wanted to hold Castiel the way the angel held him now, breathing endearments and praise into the crook of his neck as they rocked together into the depths of euphoria. Dean shut his eyes tighter, willing the temping imagery far from his conscious mind.

“Cas, I _can’t._ ” He stated simply, using every ounce of will power he possessed to keep his voice from breaking.

Castiel’s lips were still pressed against his head, thumb brushing Deans lower lip softly as he whispered against his skin: “What’s the matter?”

“Nothing’s the matter, Cas.” Dean said, denying himself what he wanted most once again. He pulled away harshly, studying the hurt on Castiels face before turning away. It pained him to see Castiel hurt, but this is the way things have to be. “Go to bed.” Dean crossed his arms over his chest, clenching his teeth as he waited for the inevitable decrescendo of footsteps as Castiel gave up on him once and for all. There was only silence.

“No, Dean. I won’t go to bed. I’m going to stay here and you’re going to tell me exactly why you won’t have me! Is it because of my…” Castiel was silent, searching for the proper word, “my dick? Is that it, Dean? Is it because I’m an angel? Because I _know_ that you desire me and I don’t know why you won’t act upon it! What am I doing wrong, Dean?” Castiel snapped, grabbing Dean’s shoulder and spinning him around with angelic strength. Dean was momentarily disoriented. “Look at me! What am I doing wrong?” Castiel demanded, his voice now taking on desperate tones.

Dean felt sick to his stomach, he was going to vomit. How could Castiel think this was _his_ fault? This was all Deans fault, how could Dean ever allow himself something so perfect as Castiel, how could he ever be selfish enough to be with him? Castiel was the most beautiful thing he’d ever encountered, and almost surreal in his perfection. How could Dean ever take that for himself?... but if Castiel deserved one thing, it was honesty.

“It’s me, Cas. It’s not you. It’s not your dick, It’s not your status in heaven, that’s part of who you are.” Dean’s gaze fell to the mahogany flooring; he couldn’t handle the magnificent blue of the angel’s eyes right now. This time, Dean had trouble speaking, his words coming out as whispered sobs only a celestial being would dare try to interpret. “You deserve so much better, Cas. You’re too good for me. Go find some nice girl and forget about me. I’m no good, Cas. Not for you, not for anyone. I’m poison. Stay with me, and bad things happen. I’m cursed.”

“You’re not good enough for _me_?” Castiel repeated, stunned and disbelieving. The tone of his voice had Dean looking up at him, finding a sad, but reassuring smile etching its way onto Castiel’s face. “Dean.” Castiel was silent for a while, trying to choose the correct words in this delicate situation. “You’re _The Righteous Man._ God designed you to be perfection, you have no flaws, you aren’t cursed, you’re perfect. The moment I cast my eyes upon your soul in hell, I was lost. You were, and are, the most beautiful thing I’ve seen in my entire existence, your only flaw is your amount of self-worth. Dean Winchester, you baffle me. You are so tragically beautiful, and I love you. I thought I’d made that much obvious.”

Castiel was staring at Dean with the most loving gaze Dean had ever seen on a person, and he was just now realizing, he’d seen that look a lot from the angel, always at him. The butterflies were back, but this time, Dean forced himself to welcome them and embrace them whole-heartedly. Cas loved him, and he loved Cas, even if he wasn’t quite ready to say it out loud, but he knew Cas knew how he felt, and that would be good enough until Dean could muster up the courage to say those three little words. Dean cast his gaze down once more, unable to process the intensity that seemed to be swallowing his angel wholly, and Dean smiled to himself, realizing that that’s what Cas was now: “his angel”, and he was Cas’s human.

Before Dean even knew what was happening, Cas’s lips were on his, his hands gripping tightly on Dean’s waist as he made breathy little sounds into Dean’s mouth. Dean kissed him back, knotting his fingers in _his angel’s_ hair, and moaning helplessly into the kiss, devastating euphoria washing over him, as well as an echo of _“finally”_ playing over and over through his mind.

Dean found himself guiding them to his room, making sure to keep Castiel as tight to his body as possible. Dean finally had this. Finally _allowed_ himself to have this. The years of tension were about to end and Dean wanted it to be perfect.

Once they’d stepped beyond the threshold of the door, Dean advanced forwards, only breaking the kiss to gently lower his angel to the bed, following closely after and straddling his hips, bodies pressed flush together, Castiels heat making him forget all remaining hesitation.

Castiel put a hand on either side of Deans face, caressing his cheeks so softly with his thumbs as he leaned in and pressed the sweetest, softest, most heartbreakingly _in love_ kiss Dean had ever experienced to his mouth.

The rest was history. Frantic hands caressing each other as they fumbled through their pleasure in the dark. Resonant cries of praise into the humid air, reverberating off the bunker’s concrete walls. Deans fingers stretching Castiel open, the whole time staring adoringly at his angels face, softly lit by the warm lamp on the side table. The two men, rocking into each other, not able to differentiate where one body ended and the other began, crying out their releases into the silent night air.

Dean could only think one single thought; _this is home._


End file.
